Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize