Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
