Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
