What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
