Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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