my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
false alarm, still single
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