and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I cannot find my penis.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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