I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
