dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
