You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
