I am midnight drunk by noon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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