Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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