then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize