Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
