I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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