There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
