I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
