Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
