toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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