Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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