why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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