i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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