O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize