I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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