I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
