he wants to bone in the snuggie
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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