I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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