Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
