mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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