Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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