i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
