Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
