just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
