his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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