he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
