theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
