grandma shit on top of the toilet
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
