Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize