She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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