I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
