I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
