There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
