we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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