I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize