Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
