I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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