If i come over, it means nothing
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
