I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
