i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
