Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
