Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
