I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
