just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
