i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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