why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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