She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
