I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
