I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
