Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize