I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
