I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
