I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
