Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
