Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
