I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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