Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
