I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
