a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're breaking my sexual little heart
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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