my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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