I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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