I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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