I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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