if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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