It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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