just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
